areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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