dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
