my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just cropdusted the office
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
