she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
