Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
