Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
