Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
