I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
