I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
