So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
