my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
