I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
