If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
