What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
