Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
