I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
