Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
