Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
