And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
