Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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