Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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