That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
