Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
