So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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