The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
nutella sex= disaster
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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