So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My ass is underappreciated
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
