your parents love me but you hate me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Randomize
