some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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