I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
