He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
