And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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