u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
