Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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