Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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