i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
