it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
