dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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