I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
