winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
