Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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