I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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