I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
