i think my tv is drunk
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
