Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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