I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
