a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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