you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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