so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
