Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
