I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
