I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
