If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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