nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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