he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
